||[Jul. 23rd, 2007|05:11 pm]
This writer's block option on LiveJournal finally had me intrigued enough to answer the question.
"What are you afraid of?" it asks me.
Most people would answer that they are afraid of death.. or drowning, yada yada. In the current situation that I find myself in, which for once is a good situation as opposed to a bad one, I answer that I'm afraid of fucking up again. One of the last things I did was fuck up my previous relationship by making too many mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, I know.. But I made alot that he didn't even know about. I did alot of things he would never even know about. But besides that, I just don't want to make the wrong decisions anymore.
I've always said that I feel I should have been born in like 1985 as opposed to 1989. I feel like I have an old soul. At 17, I just wanna settle down. I wanna get married young and start having kids. I guess you could say I'm afraid of dying unaccomplished. I wanna be known for something.
Maybe in my past life I died at an early age, and I'm forever going to be trying to catch up with my previous self. It's an odd way to look at it, but it's how I feel.
Basically, I'm afraid of being forgotten. It would be horrible to not be remembered. Recently I went to a funeral for my good friend who died in a tragic accident [with a tree nonetheless]. He was only 21. I think about all the things he told me he wanted to do in the future. And I think about his kid. But then, I also think about how many people remembered him. He had a legacy amongst his friends. We all knew him by his orange soda. That boy loved orange soda.. Anyone at the funeral you talked to could have told you that. He was also remembered for being one of the most laid back and understanding people on this planet. Everyone is put on this planet with a destiny.. and he reached his. Although he had future plans, he wasn't supposed to be here any longer. And everything he was here to accomplish must have been finished.
How do I know what I'm put here to accomplish, though? It's crazy to think that one day, it's all over. But, like I said, I'm not afraid of death. I just want to live my life with meaning, and live while I'm still alive.
R.I.P. Daniel Christopher Small
August 7, 1985 - June 29, 2007
Only the good die young, I suppose.
On a lighter note, I have a new/old crush.. and things are finally looking up.